TALLAHASSEE, FL – Move over, Florida Man, because Florida Woman just dropped the mic with a kidnapping plot so wild, even we had to double-check the police report.
Meet Latrice Battle, 52, who allegedly decided the best way to deal with her ex-boyfriend’s new wife was to… checks notes… impersonate an ICE agent and kidnap her. Because nothing says “I’m over him” like federal agent cosplay and a felony.
The Plot Thickens (Because Florida)
Battle reportedly strolled into a Panhandle hotel where her ex’s wife worked, decked out in a black shirt with “ICE” printed on it (because nothing screams “official government agent” like a Walmart iron-on). She even whipped out a fake sheriff’s office business card, because apparently, she also moonlights as a graphic designer.
The victim—who’s in the process of becoming a legal U.S. resident—understandably panicked and went along with it. But things took a hard left into Lifetime Movie territory when Battle allegedly:
✔ Took the woman’s phone when she tried calling her husband (rude).
✔ Told her she had to “suffer the consequences of her husband’s actions” (dramatic).
✔ Drove her to an apartment complex instead of the sheriff’s office (plot twist!).
The Escape (Because Reality Check)
Thankfully, the victim realized “Wait… ICE doesn’t do kidnap-and-chill” and bolted with the help of a neighbor. Battle, meanwhile, allegedly tried to flee to Alabama—because nothing says “I’m innocent” like a cross-state sprint from the law.
She was arrested the next day and now faces charges including:
– Kidnapping (obviously).
– Robbery by sudden snatching (phone theft = bad).
– Impersonating a law enforcement officer (the real crime here is that fashion choice).
Moral of the Story
If your breakup revenge plan involves fake badges, federal crimes, and a getaway car, maybe just… don’t.
(Bay County Sheriff’s Office, we salute you for dealing with this level of Florida nonsense.)