Because subtlety is overrated, and irony is alive and well in the Sunshine State.
BREVARD COUNTY, FL—In a move that has left both law enforcement and the internet collectively facepalming, a Florida woman was arrested this weekend after deputies discovered her carrying a suspiciously labeled tote. The bag in question? A cheeky little number that boldly declared: “Definitely Not A Bag Full Of Drugs.”
Spoiler alert: It was, in fact, a bag full of drugs.
The Arrest That Wrote Its Own Punchline
Teryn Acri, 31, of Melbourne, was riding in a car when deputies pulled it over. The driver, possibly unaware of the comedy gold happening in the passenger seat, gave consent to search the vehicle, confidently stating there was nothing illegal inside.
Enter: The Bag.
Deputies quickly noticed that among Acri’s belongings was a bag that looked like it belonged in a Dumb Criminals meme. Printed in bold letters was the phrase “Definitely Not A Bag Full Of Drugs,” which—shockingly—turned out to be the opposite of true. Inside? Meth, needles, Narcan, digital scales, and enough drug paraphernalia to stock a very sketchy convenience store.
The Brevard County Sheriff’s Office, clearly amused, posted about the incident with the kind of exasperated humor only Florida can inspire: “…this is the part you just can’t make up!”
History Repeats Itself (Because She Didn’t Learn the First Time)
This wasn’t even Acri’s first rodeo. Just two weeks earlier, she’d been arrested on similar charges during another traffic stop. Apparently, the universe sent her a memo—maybe don’t carry drugs in a bag that sarcastically announces itself?—but she chose to ignore it.
Now, she’s sitting in jail without bond, probably wondering if “Definitely Not A Jail Cell” would’ve been a better branding choice.
Florida: Where the Stories Write Themselves
At this point, we’re convinced Florida criminals are just trying to outdo each other for the title of Most Obviously Guilty. Between alligator golf course invasions, meth-filled ironic tote bags, and the classic “Hold my beer” crimes, the Sunshine State remains undefeated in the “Wait… what?” news category.
So, if you’re going to transport illegal substances, maybe—just maybe—don’t put them in a bag that’s basically a confession wrapped in a joke. Or do. We’re not the cops. But the cops will arrest you. And then they will laugh about it on Facebook.
Welcome to Florida.