WEST PALM BEACH, FL—In what can only be described as the least covert assassination plot in history, a 60-year-old Boca Raton manicurist is facing federal charges after allegedly leaving bomb threats at two Trump properties with one very specific demand: “Evacuate everyone… except for Trump.”
Martha Jane Schoenfeld, a part-time nail artist and mother of two, reportedly left voicemails at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach and Trump’s Las Vegas hotel, warning of explosives on-site. But here’s the kicker—she only wanted the former president to stay behind. Subtle.
When Secret Service agents traced the calls to Schoenfeld’s condo, she initially denied everything—until they reminded her that, y’know, phone records exist. Then came the classic “Okay fine, it was me” confession, followed by the bonus reveal that she’d also threatened Senator Marco Rubio. Because why stop at one bad decision?
Her defense attorney insists she’s never been in trouble before, which makes this whole thing even more baffling. Did she think she was playing Clue? “It was the manicurist, in the golf club, with the imaginary bomb!”
The timing couldn’t be worse—Schoenfeld was arrested just one day before the actual assassination attempt on Trump in Pennsylvania. Now she’s facing up to 20 years in prison, proving once again that Florida Man (or Woman) never fails to deliver the most chaotic plot twists.
Meanwhile, investigators are still trying to figure out how she planned to pull this off. Spoiler alert: She didn’t.