Because in Florida, even the bedroom accessories aren’t safe from becoming evidence.
FORT PIERCE, FL—Move over, Florida Man. Florida Woman just upped the ante in the Sunshine State’s never-ending saga of bizarre crimes. This time, the weapon of choice? A dildo.
From Instagram Stalking to S*x Toy Slapping
Julissa Negron, 50, was temporarily crashing at her ex’s place while prepping for a move from Puerto Rico to Connecticut. Things were civil—until alcohol entered the chat. Suddenly, Negron was deeply invested in her ex’s Instagram activity (relatable) and decided to escalate the situation by getting in his face.
When he threatened to call 911, she didn’t just throw a tantrum—she threw a dildo.
That’s right. In a move that could only happen in Florida, Negron allegedly grabbed the nearest adult toy and whacked him with it. Police reports don’t specify whether it was a high-end model or a Dollar Store special, but one thing’s for sure—it was effective enough to land her in cuffs.
Naked, Drunk, and Unbothered
When officers arrived, the victim warned them that Negron was inside, completely naked, and might try to flash them. Because why not add public indecency to the list of charges?
Negron, reportedly smelling like a distillery, couldn’t give a coherent statement—probably still reeling from the realization that her improvised weapon had backfired. She was arrested and booked on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge, proving once again that Florida’s legal system has seen everything.
Bond, Court Dates, and a No-Contact Order
Negron was released on a cool $1,000 bond and now has a court date in March. The judge also issued a no-contact order, meaning she’ll have to find another way to express her displeasure with her ex’s social media habits.
The couple, married in Connecticut back in 2003, are no longer together—though it’s unclear if they ever officially divorced. Maybe this was her way of serving the papers.
Florida: Where Even the Sex Toys Fight Back
This story has everything: alcohol, Instagram drama, nudity, and a dildo used as a blunt-force object. If this doesn’t sum up Florida’s chaotic energy, we don’t know what does.
Stay tuned for the next chapter in Florida’s Most Unhinged Domestic Disputes, coming soon to a police report near you.