Oh, honey.
A Florida woman just took “blessed and highly favored” to a whole new level—by allegedly embezzling over $570,000 from the church where she worked for 11 years.
Meet Melissa Ganey English, 44, the former financial secretary of Amelia Baptist Church who apparently decided that the Lord helps those who help themselves… to the church’s bank account.
The Holy Heist
According to investigators, Melissa’s five-year spending spree included:
– Amazon shopping sprees (because who doesn’t need a 12-pack of scented candles on the church’s dime?)
– SeaWorld tickets (for that holy aquatic experience)
– A helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon (because nothing says “financial secretary” like airborne sightseeing)
– Unauthorized payroll bonuses (giving herself raises like she was the CEO of Jesus, Inc.)
The Unholy Audit
The jig was up when two new members of the church’s finance committee noticed something suspicious—like, “Why is the church account suddenly looking like my post-Christmas credit card statement?” suspicious.
A deep dive into the books revealed Melissa had been gradually upping her embezzlement game, starting with a modest $40,000 in 2019 and peaking at $123,000 in 2023. By 2024, she’d already swiped $90,000 before getting busted.
The Aftermath
The church, being the forgiving bunch they are, released a statement saying they’re staying focused on their mission—though we’re guessing the next finance meeting will include a few extra locks on the checkbook.
Meanwhile, Melissa was arrested in Baker County, proving that even the most heavenly scams eventually get a one-way ticket to court.
Moral of the story? If you’re gonna steal from the collection plate, maybe don’t buy a helicopter ride with it. Just a thought.