Posted on TalesFromFlorida.com
Ah, Florida—where the sun is hot, the drinks are cold, and the beach chairs double as speed bumps. In the latest installment of “Why Are We Allowed to Drive on the Beach Again?”, an 84-year-old woman decided to turn a relaxing day in Daytona into a real-life game of Grand Theft Auto: Senior Citizen Edition.
The Scene: A Beach Day Gone Wrong
Picture this: A 71-year-old New York tourist is peacefully sunbathing in her beach chair, probably dreaming of piña coladas and regretting that third SPF application. Meanwhile, an 84-year-old Florida woman hops into her Chevy Colorado, cranks up the Golden Girls theme song, and proceeds to make an exit that would make Vin Diesel proud.
Instead of smoothly driving away, she took a hard right—right over the sunbather’s head.
“She Ran Over Her Head!” – A Love Story
The victim’s husband, in what might be the understatement of the year, frantically called 911:
Husband: “Hurry up! She ran over her head!”
Wife (with a tire tread on her face): “No.”
Husband (to 911): “She’s talking but she’s not alright.”
Classic Florida emergency call.
The Aftermath: Just Another Day in Volusia County
Miraculously, the sunbather survived with non-life-threatening injuries (because Florida women are built different). The driver, meanwhile, claimed she had no idea she’d turned a tourist into a human speed bump until a witness chased her down.
No signs of impairment? Just pure, unfiltered Florida driving.
Beach Driving: Because Why Not?
For those unfamiliar, Daytona Beach is one of the few places in the U.S. where you can legally drive on the sand. Speed limit? 10 mph. Common sense? Optional.
So next time you’re lounging on a Florida beach, remember: That rumbling sound isn’t just the ocean—it might be an octogenarian in a pickup truck coming for your scalp.
Moral of the story? Maybe sunbathe behind the parking spots. Just a thought.