PALM BEACH, FL— In a move that can only be described as peak Florida, a 49-year-old woman decided that 10 p.m. on a Monday night was the perfect time to swing by Mar-a-Lago with an “urgent message” for Donald Trump.
Caroline Shaw, the mastermind behind this late-night diplomatic mission, allegedly told Secret Service agents that she had firearms in her van—because nothing says “I come in peace” like casually mentioning your unregistered arsenal while trying to get an audience with a former president.
The “I Just Need Five Minutes” Approach
Shaw, who apparently thought Mar-a-Lago was an open-door policy kind of place, parked her unregistered Mercedes van (because of course it was unregistered) nearby and strolled up to the gates like she was picking up a DoorDash order.
Secret Service: “Ma’am, this is a secure facility.”
Shaw: “Yeah, but I have an urgent message for Trump.”
Secret Service: “What’s the message?”
Shaw: “Oh, I’ll tell him directly. Also, I might have guns in my van. No big deal.”
Spoiler alert: It was, in fact, a very big deal.
The Aftermath: Jail, Bond, and a Lifetime Ban from Trump Properties
Shaw was promptly arrested for driving on a suspended license (shocking) and failing to register her vehicle (even more shocking). The judge, clearly unimpressed with her “urgent message” defense, banned her from ever setting foot near Trump or his properties again.
Her bond was set at $2,000, which is roughly the same price as a one-night stay at Mar-a-Lago—except Shaw won’t be getting any luxury accommodations in Palm Beach County Jail.
At this point, Mar-a-Lago should just start selling tickets. “Come for the golf, stay for the trespassing charges!”
The Big Question: What Was the “Urgent Message”?
Was it a conspiracy theory? A business proposal? A really aggressive Yelp review? The world may never know.
But one thing’s for sure—if you’re thinking of dropping by Mar-a-Lago unannounced, maybe don’t mention the guns in your unregistered van—just a pro tip.