“Ma’am, this isn’t an all-inclusive resort. You can’t just rack up loyalty points.”
In what might be the most aggressive hotel overcharge in history, a Florida woman just got slapped with a $1.82 MILLION fine from ICE for overstaying her welcome in the U.S. by—checks notes—20 years. That’s right, folks. At $500 a day, she could’ve stayed at the Ritz-Carlton for less.
The Ultimate “You Can’t Stay Here Anymore” Notice
The woman, a Honduran mom of three U.S.-born kids, apparently missed a court date back in 2005 (we’ve all been there—thanks, Google Calendar), and ICE decided to hit her with the “You Thought We Forgot, Didn’t You?” special. Her lawyer, Michelle Sanchez, was shook:
“This is ICE terrorizing individuals without even having to go pick them up. They’re just sending bills now like it’s an unpaid parking ticket—except it’s the price of a mansion.”
Florida: Where the Sunshine Comes With a Side of Deportation
Meanwhile, Florida’s government is apparently all-in on helping ICE turn the state into “America’s Least Welcoming Airbnb.” A leaked 37-page plan reveals they’re expanding detention centers, deputizing local cops, and basically turning traffic stops into “Are You a Citizen?” pop quizzes.
Critics say this is “federal overreach,” but let’s be real—Florida’s motto is basically “Come for the beaches, stay if you dare.”
What’s Next?
The woman’s legal team is fighting the fine, arguing she “wasn’t properly informed” about the consequences of sticking around. (To be fair, most of us ignore fine print until it’s too late—looking at you, Apple Terms & Conditions.)
But if ICE keeps this up, we might start seeing “Pay or GTFO” kiosks at airports. “Welcome to America! Your tab is currently at $1.8M. Would you like to add a tip?”
Stay tuned for more Florida Man (and Woman) adventures—where the fines are high, the stakes are higher, and the only loyalty program is “Don’t Get Caught.”**