TalesFromFlorida.com Exclusive
In what can only be described as the most aggressive anti-bubble stance in recorded history, an 81-year-old Florida woman allegedly turned a peaceful afternoon of soapy fun into a full-blown chemical warfare incident.
Ada Anderson, who apparently has a deep-seated vendetta against joy, reportedly stormed onto her porch like a villain in a low-budget action movie when she spotted her neighbor’s kids—ages 6 and 3—committing the ultimate crime: blowing bubbles in their own driveway.
Witnesses (okay, just the mom and probably a very confused squirrel) say Anderson unleashed a can of bear mace like she was defending her yard from a grizzly bear… or, you know, tiny children with soap.
But it wasn’t just the mace that stung—oh no. According to reports, Anderson allegedly dropped the n-word mid-spray like she was auditioning for the world’s worst reboot of Grumpy Old Men. The mom, April Morant, claims this wasn’t even Anderson’s first racist rodeo, saying the octogenarian had been slinging slurs since they moved in.
When cops arrived, they found the scene of the crime: a fence and grass still wet with spicy regret. Deputies reportedly got a whiff of the aftermath and immediately regretted their life choices, confirming that yes, this was indeed pepper spray and not just Florida’s natural humidity trying to kill them.
Anderson’s defense? The kids were yelling at her (which, let’s be real, kids yell about everything from dinosaurs to the wrong color cup). She claimed the bear mace didn’t even touch them, which is either a bold-faced lie or proof that her aim is as bad as her temper.
Morant, who is now considering a career in documentary filmmaking given her extensive collection of Ada Anderson’s Greatest Hits videos, told local news she’s done with this nonsense. “Bubbles. Literally. Bubbles set her off,” she said, summing up the absurdity in one perfect sentence.
Anderson was arrested and charged with battery, but not, as Morant pointed out, a hate crime—because apparently in Florida, bear-macing kids over soap suds is just Tuesday. She was later released on $6,000 bail, presumably to go home and yell at clouds or whatever else Florida seniors do for fun.
Meanwhile, Morant is looking into a restraining order and possibly relocating to a neighborhood where the biggest threat is an HOA citation for unapproved mailbox colors.
Stay tuned for the next episode of Florida’s Wildest Neighbor Feuds, where the stakes are low but the bear mace is always within reach.