TalesFromFlorida.com – Because only in the Sunshine State does a debate over household hierarchy end with bullets flying and a four-time felon declaring war over who really runs the WiFi password.
Meet Cassandra Stuckey, a 59-year-old Miami resident who took the phrase “This is MY house” to a whole new level–specifically, the “shooting at her roommate through a glass door” level. According to police, the whole mess started when Stuckey was outside bragging to someone about how she “runs this house.” Her unnamed roommate, clearly not up to speed on her self-appointed dictatorship, hit her with the ultimate challenge: “You don’t run this house.”
Big mistake.
Stuckey, a woman with a rap sheet longer than a CVS receipt (four cocaine possession charges, because Florida), responded by spitting in his face, grabbing a silver revolver, and tapping on his bedroom door like a deranged version of “Shave and a Haircut.” Then, in true Florida fashion, she allegedly fired FOUR SHOTS into his room while calling him a “p— boy.”
Because nothing says “I’m the boss here” like felony attempted murder.
A witness confirmed hearing the shots, but Stuckey, in classic “Florida Man Logic,” denied everything–pointing out there were no bullet holes in the door (because glass doors just absorb bullets, right?). Cops later found the gun, because of course they did.
Stuckey is now enjoying the luxurious accommodations of Miami-Dade County Jail on a cool $12,500 bond. Meanwhile, her former roommate is probably rethinking his life choices–like, “Maybe I should’ve just let her think she runs the thermostat.”
Moral of the story? In Florida, “Who’s in charge?” is a question best answered before moving in together. Preferably in writing. With a notary present. And maybe a bulletproof vest.