Move over, Florida Man—there’s a new legend in town, and her name is Helen Thompson, the undisputed queen of 911 misuse.
DUNNELLON, FL—In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming (except, you know, the police who’ve been dealing with her for months), a 60-year-old Florida woman has been arrested for dialing 911 more than 30 times in a single year. Her most recent crime? Calling emergency services because her knee hurt and she needed a ride to the hospital.
Because, as we all know, when your joint aches, the logical thing to do is summon the full might of law enforcement and paramedics—not, say, an Uber or a friend (though, in Helen’s defense, she did admit she has “no friends”).
The Incident That Broke the EMS’s Patience
On December 31, 2024—because nothing says “Happy New Year” like a misdemeanor charge—Helen called 911 yet again to report her knee pain. When officers arrived, they found her chilling outside her apartment, casually waiting for an ambulance like it was DoorDash.
Cop: Ma’am, why did you call 911?
Helen: My knee hurts. My doctor wants an X-ray.
Cop: Did your doctor tell you to call 911 for this?
Helen: No.
Cop: …So why did you call 911?
Helen: I don’t drive, and I have no friends.
At this point, the officer probably had to take a deep breath and count to ten before explaining—again—that 911 is for emergencies, not impromptu medical taxi services.
A History of 911 Shenanigans
Turns out, Helen is well-known to local authorities. In the past six months alone, she’s called 911 12 times for non-emergencies, racking up over 20 calls in less than half a year before that.
And get this—five months ago, cops literally warned her that if she kept abusing 911, she’d get arrested. But did that stop her? Of course not. Because in Florida, persistence is key—even if it’s persistence in the wrong direction.
The Aftermath
Helen was arrested, briefly jailed, and then released on a personal recognizance bond (because even the justice system was like, Eh, she’s harmless). She’s now pleading not guilty to the charge of misusing 911—which, honestly, is the most Florida response possible.
Moral of the story? If your knee hurts, maybe try Advil first. Or, if you’re really desperate, make a friend. Just don’t call 911—unless you want a free ride to jail instead of the hospital.
Stay tuned for more Tales From Florida, where the logic is optional and the arrests are inevitable.