Because apparently, holy water and sage weren’t enough…
ST. LUCIE COUNTY, FL—In a story so Florida it practically comes with its own alligator warning, a local mom decided that parenting wasn’t hard enough, so she took things to the next level: attempting an exorcism on her own child.
That’s right. Instead of time-outs or confiscating the iPad, she went full The Exorcist on her poor kid. And when the school noticed he hadn’t shown up for two weeks (because, let’s be real, Florida schools have seen some things, but even they have limits), deputies rolled up for a welfare check.
Spoiler alert: The kid was not, in fact, possessed by a demon. He was, however, very much deceased—which, last we checked, is not how successful exorcisms usually end.
The St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office is now handling the case, and the mom is facing charges. Because in Florida, even if you think your kid is channeling Pazuzu, the law still expects you to, you know, not kill them.
Moral of the story? Maybe just stick to grounding them next time. Or, if you’re really convinced they’re possessed, at least call a professional—preferably before things escalate to a true-crime documentary.
(Disclaimer: No actual demons were harmed in the making of this tragedy. Just common sense.)