PALM COAST, FL—Another day, another Florida Man story that proves truth is stranger than fiction—and way more ridiculous. Meet Willee Parker, a 42-year-old aspiring lawn care entrepreneur (or so we assume) whose grand plan to steal not one, but TWO lawn mowers from Home Depot ended about as well as a Slip ‘N Slide on I-4 during rush hour.
The Great Escape (That Wasn’t)
According to the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office, Parker waltzed into Home Depot with dreams of a zero-dollar landscaping empire. But his master plan hit a snag when an employee recognized him from previous encounters (because, of course, this wasn’t his first rodeo). When confronted in the parking lot, Parker abandoned the mowers and bolted, proving that even Florida Men have standards—like not sticking around for awkward conversations.
Hide-and-Seek Champion (Spoiler: He Lost)
Deputies quickly spotted Parker hiding in a gas station bathroom—because nothing says “I’m innocent” like lurking in a BP restroom. When he emerged, officers were waiting like, “Surprise! You’re on Cops!” Parker then tried the classic “That’s not my name” defense, but deputies weren’t buying it. His excuse? “Because I have warrants.” At least he’s honest about his dishonesty.
Sheriff’s Sick Burn
Flagler County Sheriff Rick Staly had no patience for Parker’s shenanigans, dropping this gem:
“This guy apparently has not learned his lesson, because he keeps trying to steal and keeps getting caught. And not only that, he knew he had warrants, came into our county and tried to lie to our deputies.”
Translation: “Sir, this is a Wendy’s—and also jail.”
Charges: A List Longer Than a Disney Ride Wait Time
Parker’s rap sheet now includes:
✅ Grand Theft (Lawn Mower Division)
✅ Trespassing (Home Depot Said ‘Bye, Felicia’ in 2023)
✅ Giving a Fake Name (Like a Bad Tinder Date)
✅ Violation of Probation (Because Consistency Is Key)
He’s currently enjoying free lodging at the Sheriff Perry Hall Inmate Detention Facility, where the only thing getting mowed is his dignity.
Moral of the Story
If you’re going to steal in Florida, maybe aim for something less conspicuous than two giant lawn mowers. Or, you know, don’t steal at all—but where’s the fun in that?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Florida Man vs. Common Sense. 🚜💨