SEBASTIAN, FL — In what can only be described as the most Florida tragedy of 2025, a 77-year-old Vermont man lost his life Sunday in a valiant—but ultimately doomed—attempt to save a turtle on I-95.
That’s right. A turtle. On the interstate.
According to the Florida Highway Patrol, the man was mid-rescue when things took a turn for the catastrophic. A Miami woman slowed down to avoid hitting him (reasonable), but the Dodge Ram behind her? Not so much. The pickup truck plowed into her car, sending it careening through a fence like something out of Fast & Furious: Florida Edition.
Meanwhile, the Ram kept rolling—directly into our would-be turtle savior. The impact sent the man flying, and sadly, neither he nor the turtle survived.
FHP’s Official Statement: “The turtle did not receive a favorable outcome in the crash.”
Translation: Florida 1, Good Intentions 0.
The drivers involved walked away unharmed, because of course they did. Meanwhile, southbound I-95 was shut down for hours, probably so officials could scrape turtle shell off the pavement and ponder the meaning of life.
Moral of the Story: If you see a turtle on the highway, maybe just… don’t? Call wildlife rescue. Or, better yet, let natural selection do its thing. Because in Florida, even the most noble acts can turn into a Florida Man headline faster than you can say “Hold my gator.”
RIP, brave turtle warrior. Your heart was in the right place. Your survival instincts? Not so much.