TAMPA, FL— Ladies, if you’re a realtor in the Tampa Bay area, you might want to invest in some steel-toed boots. Because there’s a Florida Man on the loose with a very specific obsession—realtors’ feet.
That’s right. This guy isn’t scoping out granite countertops or open floor plans. Nope. He’s too busy plotting how to get his hands (and probably his nose) all over some unsuspecting agent’s toes.
The “Ant Trick” Strikes Again
According to multiple traumatized realtors, this dude has a signature move—the “Oh no, there’s an ant on your foot!” routine.
Angela Julian, one of the victims, described the horror: “He told me there was an ant on my foot. I started hopping around like a lunatic, but there was no ant. Next thing I know, he’s unbuckling my shoe and caressing my foot like it’s a damn Fabergé egg.”
At least a dozen other realtors have reported similar encounters since last July, meaning this guy has been on a year-long foot fondling spree.
Safety Alert: Beware of Mullets & Sweat
Local police have issued a warning to all Tampa Bay realtors: If a dude with a mullet and a suspicious amount of sweat starts asking about ‘ants,’ RUN.
Investigators are still searching for the suspect, but descriptions are vague—mostly because all the victims were too busy screaming internally to get a good look at his face.
How to Protect Yourself
Realtors, here’s some survival advice:
– Wear combat boots to open houses.
– Carry a spray bottle labeled “Foot Toucher Repellent.” (Water works fine, but the label adds intimidation.)
– Preemptively yell “NO, YOU CAN’T TOUCH MY FEET” at every potential buyer.
Stay safe out there, Florida. And remember—if a guy asks to see the backyard, check his hands for lotion first.
(TalesFromFlorida.com – Because only here does a foot fetish turn into a public safety crisis.)