Because nothing says “I’m totally a federal agent” like rolling up on a bike with a security guard application receipt.
ORLANDO, Fla. – Move over, Hollywood, because Florida Man just delivered another Oscar-worthy performance—this time as a very convincing (not) Homeland Security officer.
Steven Donovan, 47, decided to take immigration enforcement into his own hands by biking up to an Orlando apartment complex and demanding to check for “illegal immigrants.” His credentials? A Florida Department of Agriculture security license application—because nothing screams “federal authority” like a piece of paper that basically says, “I might one day guard a mall.”
According to reports, Donovan flashed his super official blue card (which, let’s be real, probably looked like it was printed at a Kinko’s) and told a worker he was investigating “mexicans” (his words, not ours). Then, in true Florida Man fashion, he dramatically opened his jacket to reveal—dun dun DUN—a gun, because nothing establishes credibility like brandishing a weapon while riding a bicycle.
The worker, who was presumably thinking, “This dude is NOT getting paid enough for this,” immediately noped out and called the actual police. But Donovan wasn’t done yet. Oh no. He followed the worker to the office, banging on doors and windows while shouting, “I AM THE POLICE!”—which, let’s be honest, is something only someone who is definitely not the police would do.
When real deputies arrived, Donovan doubled down, insisting his security guard application was totally a badge of authority. Spoiler: It wasn’t. He was promptly arrested, because in Florida, the only thing we take more seriously than bizarre crimes is making sure fake cops don’t get away with their shenanigans.
Oh, and did we mention he also had a pocket knife? Because of course he did.
Moral of the story: If you’re going to impersonate a federal agent, maybe don’t do it while pedaling around on a bike with a gun and a Kinko’s receipt. Just a thought.