Because nothing says “good morning” like a parking lot brawl before the first bell.
Marion County deputies were called to Greenway Elementary School this week after a 68-year-old Florida man decided that the school drop-off line wasn’t chaotic enough. Wagner Silva, apparently unsatisfied with the usual honking and passive-aggressive parking maneuvers, escalated things to a full-blown Grand Theft Auto side mission.
The Incident: A Tale of Road Rage and Reckless Decisions
It all started when Silva allegedly nearly mowed down a dad in the crosswalk. The victim, exercising his God-given Florida right to yell at bad drivers, pushed Silva’s car window shut and shouted, “STOP FOR PEDESTRIANS, YOU MANIAC!” (Or something equally Floridian.)
Silva, instead of taking the L and driving off like a normal person, decided to follow the dad onto school property—because nothing says “responsible adult” like chasing down a confrontation in front of tiny, impressionable children.
The Parking Lot Showdown
Silva then pulled in front of the dad’s truck, jumped out, and began yelling, slamming the truck door on the dad’s leg, and throwing punches like he was auditioning for Cobra Kai: Senior Citizen Edition.
Victim: “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Silva: “YES.”
And with that, Silva grabbed the dad, punched him in the chest, and turned the school parking lot into a scene from Road House. A school employee witnessed the whole thing, probably thinking, “Wow, and I thought the PTA meetings got wild.”
The dad, proving that Florida dads are built different, pushed Silva to the ground and held him there until deputies arrived.
The Aftermath
Silva was arrested for burglary with assault or battery, because apparently, attacking someone in a school parking lot counts as “burglary” in Florida. (We don’t make the rules.) His court date is set for March 4, where he’ll hopefully learn that elementary schools are for learning, not fight clubs.
Moral of the Story
Next time you’re in the school drop-off line, remember: patience is a virtue, road rage is a misdemeanor (or felony), and Florida will never not be Florida.
Stay tuned for more Tales From Florida, where the headlines write themselves and the chaos is always free.