Oh, Florida. Never change.
In the latest installment of “Why Are We Like This?”, a Bradenton man named Jeffrey Arthur Moynihan Jr. decided that instead of, say, getting a real job or maybe just not committing crimes, he would impersonate Elon freaking Musk to scam an elderly woman out of $250K.
Because, of course he did.
The Plot Thickens (But Not Really, Because Florida)
Our hero (read: villain) allegedly slid into the DMs of a 74-year-old Texas woman on Facebook, pretending to be the real-life Tony Stark. He reportedly chatted her up, dropped some totally legit Elon-isms like, “Hey, wanna invest in my totally real space lasers?” and convinced her that if she handed over a cool quarter-mil, she’d get $55 million in return.
Spoiler alert: She did not get $55 million.
The Twist? There’s Always a Twist
When cops rolled up to Moynihan’s place (shirtless, naturally, because Florida), he tried the classic “Who, me?” defense. His explanation? Oh, that money was for his online girlfriend.
Ah yes, the old “I was catfished while catfishing” excuse. Bold strategy, Cotton.
Meanwhile, the Real Elon Musk Was Busy Not Caring
While this genius was out here playing Catch Me If You Can: Florida Edition, the actual Elon Musk was—checks notes—launching rockets into space.
Bradenton PD was quick to clarify: “The real Elon Musk was otherwise engaged with the most recent launch of SpaceX and is not under investigation by BPD.”
Shocking.
Moral of the Story?
If a billionaire slides into your DMs asking for money, maybe—just maybe—double-check that it’s not some guy named Jeff who also runs a pressure-washing business on the side.
Stay weird, Florida. We wouldn’t have it any other way.