FORT MEYERS, FL — Move over, Tom Brady. There’s a new quarterback in town, and his spiral game is ruff.
Meet Dalton Sousa, 30, the Florida man accused of launching a three-year-old chihuahua named Raven off a balcony “like a football.” Because apparently, when life gives you a tiny dog, the only logical response is to YEET IT INTO THE END ZONE.
According to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Sousa dropped Raven off at Blue Pearl Animal Hospital after the alleged “Hail Mary” toss, where vets discovered the poor pup had suffered multiple fractures, a broken leg, and a shattered mandible. Because nothing says “responsible pet owner” like turning your dog into a furry projectile.
But wait—it gets better. Before Sousa bounced, he reportedly got into a heated argument with the vet. Because if you’re gonna commit a crime against tiny dog-kind, you might as well double down with a side of public meltdown.
Sheriff Carmine Marceno, who clearly has zero tolerance for canine cannonball stunts, said, “It is always disappointing to learn of an innocent animal abused by an owner they trust.”
Translation: “Bro, what is WRONG with you?”
Sousa now faces charges of aggravated animal cruelty, because Florida law draws the line at “turning pets into sports equipment.”
Meanwhile, Raven is hopefully recovering somewhere far, far away from balconies—and far, far away from anyone with a sudden urge to reenact the Super Bowl.
Moral of the story? If you wanna throw something, stick to a Nerf football. Or better yet, your dignity.