Oh, Florida Man. Never change. (Actually, please do.)
This time, we’ve got a real-life Mission: Impossible wannabe who thought stalking his ex was a totally normal thing to do—with a little help from modern technology, of course.
The Plot Thickens (Like a Bad Lifetime Movie)
Grant Guidry, a Florida man with way too much time on his hands, allegedly decided that breaking up didn’t mean letting go. Nope. Instead, he went full-on secret agent and planted a tracking device on his ex’s car.
For three whole weeks, this guy was basically playing Grand Theft Auto: Stalker Edition, following her all the way to Orlando like a discount Jason Bourne.
Sheriff Drops Some Truth Bombs
Martin County Sheriff John Budensiek had some fantastic advice for anyone worried they might have a personal FBI agent (read: creepy ex) tracking their every move:
- “Tracking devices are not like they are in the movies.” (Translation: They’re smaller and sneakier. Thanks, Apple AirTag.)
- “When you take your car in for an oil change, it’s not a bad idea to have your mechanics take a good once-over.” (Because nothing says romance like a mechanic finding a GPS tracker in your wheel well.)
Florida Law: Where Stalking Gets Weirdly Specific
Turns out, tracking someone is legal in Florida… if you fall into one of these very specific categories:
✅ Married couples (Because nothing says love like surveillance.)
✅ Parents tracking kids (Fair, but still dystopian.)
✅ Caregivers of elderly folks (Okay, that one’s actually reasonable.)
✅ Business owners (Because corporate espionage is totally fine, apparently.)
But if you’re just a regular ex trying to play Where’s Waldo? with your former flame? Felony charges, baby!
The Lesson Here?
If your ex keeps “accidentally” showing up at your gym, your favorite coffee shop, and the parking lot of your therapist’s office—maybe check your car for spy gear.
Or just move. Preferably out of Florida.
(Stay tuned for more Florida Man adventures, because you know there’s always another one brewing.)