TalesFromFlorida.com Exclusive
Ah, Florida. The land of sunshine, alligators, and… homemade car bombs? That’s right, folks. In the latest installment of Florida Man Does Florida Things, we bring you the tragicomic tale of a Hialeah Gardens husband who apparently thought Mission: Impossible was a marriage counseling guide.
The Plot Thickens (Along With the Smoke)
According to authorities, Noel Ruiz Mestre, 50, had a heated argument with his wife inside their car. (Side note: Never argue in a confined space in Florida—it’s like playing Russian roulette, but with more meth and fewer rules.) Things escalated faster than a Miami driver when the lights turn green, and the wife reportedly tried to bail—only to find herself trapped inside.
Then came the BOOM.
Doorbell footage captured the moment the car turned into a fireball, because nothing says “I need space” like detonating an improvised explosive device. The wife, tragically, didn’t survive the blast. Meanwhile, Ruiz Mestre allegedly sprinted inside, changed clothes (priorities!), stabbed himself in the stomach (??), and then called 911 like, “Uh, yeah, so I might need a Band-Aid… and a lawyer.”
Neighbor’s Review: ★☆☆☆☆ (“Too Loud, Would Not Recommend”)
Miguel Hernandez, a nearby resident, was rudely awakened by what he described as a “bah bah” instead of a “pow pow.” (Translation for non-Floridians: It was less action movie and more Michael Bay disaster flick.)
Hernandez said the wife was always sweet—wishing happy holidays and whatnot—while Ruiz Mestre was, in his words, “really strange.” Gee, ya think?
The Aftermath: Jail or Just Another Florida Tuesday?
Ruiz Mestre is currently recovering in the hospital (from burns and self-inflicted stab wounds—Florida Man is nothing if not thorough) before being hauled off to face second-degree murder and arson charges.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering: Was this a crime of passion, a failed DIY project, or just another day in the Sunshine State?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Florida Man: The Explosive Saga Continues.