By TalesFromFlorida.com Staff
Ah, Florida. The land of sunshine, beaches, and… checks notes… a man who allegedly thought a horse’s nostril was the next best thing to Tinder.
Meet Donald Calloway, the latest Florida Man to grace our headlines with a story so bizarre, even the horse was probably like, “Dude, what are you DOING?”
According to reports, Calloway was arrested in Lake Wales on December 26th after witnesses say he got a little too friendly with a horse. And by “friendly,” we mean he allegedly tried to put a body part where it definitely did not belong—the horse’s nose. Because when you’re lonely, I guess anything looks like an option?
But wait, it gets better. Witnesses also claim Calloway was ahem multitasking during this questionable encounter. Because why just commit one crime when you can commit two?
When questioned by police, Calloway reportedly explained, “I haven’t had any sex in probably two months.”
Sir. Sir. That is not an excuse. That is a cry for help. Or at the very least, a subscription to a dating app that doesn’t involve livestock.
This is Florida, folks. Where the men are bold, the wildlife is confused, and the mugshots are always entertaining.
Stay tuned for the next installment of “Florida Man Does What Now?” because you know it’s coming.
(Disclaimer: No horses were consulted for this story, but we’re pretty sure they’re filing a restraining order.)