PALM COAST, FL—In what can only be described as the most Florida way to spend a Saturday night, a local woman got the shock of her life when her neighbor—completely nude—decided to pay her a visit. And by “visit,” we mean attempted break-in with a knife.
Midnight Madness: The “Birthday Suit Bandit” Strikes
Just after midnight, a Palm Coast woman heard what sounded like a knife scraping at her front door. Naturally, she peeked out the window, expecting to see a raccoon or maybe a very determined possum. Instead, she was greeted by the sight of her 63-year-old neighbor, Matthew Hunter, standing there in his natural state, yelling threats and demanding she let him in.
Spoiler alert: She did not let him in.
Deputies Arrive, Immediately Regret It
When Flagler County deputies arrived, they found Hunter casually strolling away from the scene—still naked, still committed to whatever bizarre mission he was on. Officers noted fresh damage to the door, confirming the woman’s terrifying tale.
Hunter’s wife later explained that he’d been drinking and taking psychiatric medication, which… well, that tracks. She admitted she was scared of him but had no idea he’d left the house—because she was asleep, like a normal person.
Charges: Because Obviously
Hunter now faces a delightful lineup of charges, including:
– Attempted burglary (because breaking into someone’s home is frowned upon)
– Exposure of sexual organs (because Florida has standards, people)
– Criminal mischief (for the door, which did not deserve this)
His court date is set for May 27, where he’ll hopefully remember to wear pants.
Florida: Where the Wild Things Are (And They’re Usually Naked)
This is just another day in the Sunshine State, where the crime reports read like rejected Jackass scripts. From drunken mail carriers to elderly scooter hit-and-runs, Florida never fails to deliver.
But hey, at least Hunter didn’t bring an alligator with him. This time.