WINTER HAVEN, FL — In what can only be described as Florida’s most bizarre home invasion yet, a half-naked man allegedly high on meth decided that the most valuable item in a stranger’s house was… a carpet cleaner.
According to Winter Haven Police, residents were jolted awake at 1:30 a.m. by a loud BANG at their front door. When they went to investigate, they found 23-year-old Austin Alexander Smith standing in their living room, rocking nothing but a shirt (no pants, no shoes—just pure confidence) and clutching their carpet cleaner like it was the Holy Grail.
The homeowner, probably wondering if they’d accidentally walked into a deleted scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, yelled at Smith, who then panicked, dropped the carpet cleaner, and bolted like a startled flamingo.
Police later found Smith wandering the streets, presumably still searching for his dignity. When questioned, Smith reportedly told officers he had no memory of the break-in because he was, and we quote, “high on meth.”
Charges:
✔ Burglary of an occupied dwelling
✔ Fashion crime (shirt-only is not a look)
✔ Worst. Thief. Ever.
This is your friendly reminder that if you’re going to commit a crime in Florida, maybe put on pants first—and for the love of all things holy, steal something worth stealing.
Smith is now in custody, likely regretting his life choices and wondering why he didn’t just go for the TV.
Stay tuned for more Florida Man adventures, because you just can’t make this stuff up.