VERO BEACH, FL — In a move that screams “Florida Man Logic,” Jason Vincent Vargesko of Malabar allegedly decided that if life wouldn’t give him a car loan, he’d just take one for a joyride instead. Because, you know, priorities.
According to deputies, Vargesko rolled up to Route 60 Hyundai in Vero Beach in an Uber—already a questionable financial decision—only to be told “Sorry, no loan for you.” Now, most people would sigh, call another Uber, and cry into a discount gas station hot dog. But not our hero.
Nope. Vargesko, reportedly fueled by frustration and the crushing realization that his last $50 was now in an Uber driver’s pocket, spotted a shiny 2024 Hyundai Tucson just begging to be borrowed. Keys in the ignition? Perfect. GPS tracker? Minor inconvenience.
Employees, probably sipping their coffee and thinking “This dude did NOT just…” watched as Vargesko allegedly peeled out in the Tucson, presumably yelling “TAKE THAT, CAPITALISM!” as he vanished into the sunset.
But here’s the kicker—the dealership had a GPS locator on the car. So while Vargesko might’ve thought he was living his best Grand Theft Auto life, deputies were basically playing “Find the Hyundai” on easy mode. The car was later found abandoned near a restaurant in Melbourne, because nothing says “I panicked” like ditching a stolen ride next to a defunct Olive Garden.
When deputies finally caught up with Vargesko at his mom’s place (classic), he reportedly admitted to the crime, blaming a mix of anger and mental illness. “I didn’t know how to get home!” he allegedly told them—which, fair, but maybe next time try walking instead of grand theft auto?
Now facing felony charges, Vargesko has learned the hard way that “finders keepers” doesn’t apply to dealership inventory.
Moral of the story? If you’re gonna Uber to a car dealership, maybe check your credit score before burning your last $50. Just a thought.