Because nothing says “I take the law seriously” like attacking someone with a dinner plate over a carving station.
BOCA RATON, FL—Weddings are supposed to be about love, unity, and stuffing your face at the buffet. But for one Florida attorney, the buffet line became a battleground—and the weapon of choice? A dinner plate.
According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office, 52-year-old Mark Roher (who, based on police descriptions, sounds like a large, bald man with zero patience for buffet line cutters) was waiting for his prime rib when two young girls skipped ahead of him.
Now, most adults would either:
A) Politely say, “Excuse me, the line starts back there,”
B) Mutter under their breath and move on, or
C) Secretly judge the parents.
But not our hero. No, Roher allegedly confronted the father of one of the girls, because nothing says “I’m a responsible adult” like picking a fight at a wedding over sliced beef.
When the dad (described as the slimmer man) tried to ignore him, Roher allegedly escalated—by smashing a plate over the guy’s head. Because if there’s one thing Florida Man knows, it’s that dinnerware makes a great improvised weapon.
Witnesses say the plate shattered (because of course it did), and then Roher allegedly grabbed the guy by the collar while still holding the broken plate. At this point, the situation devolved into a full-on wedding melee, because nothing brings people together like watching a grown man lose it over buffet etiquette.
When questioned, Roher—who, again, is an attorney—reportedly invoked his Miranda rights before later admitting he pushed the guy but denied the plate attack. He also made sure to mention that he got hurt too (because Florida Man always has to play the victim).
Roher was arrested for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon (the deadly weapon being, again, a plate), but was quickly released on $1,000 bond—which, honestly, seems low for a crime involving fine china assault.
Moral of the story? If you’re at a Florida wedding buffet, wait your turn. Or at least bring a helmet.