DELTONA, FL — In a scene that could only happen in Florida, a man turned into a real-life Gollum over his precious alcohol delivery, leading to an epic battle of wills (and arms) with an UberEats driver.
The Drama Unfolds
Late Saturday night, an UberEats driver arrived at the home of 31-year-old Myles Webb, ready to drop off what we can only assume was the most important alcohol order in human history. But when she asked for his ID (because, you know, laws), Webb apparently decided rules were for losers and launched into full Florida Man mode.
“You Shall Not Pass (Without My Booze)!”
After refusing to show ID, the driver politely informed Webb she’d have to return the alcohol to the store. That’s when things escalated faster than a Florida afternoon thunderstorm.
- Step 1: Webb allegedly grabbed her arm like she was trying to steal his last chicken wing.
- Step 2: He then dragged her toward his house like a caveman claiming his prize.
- Step 3: When her boyfriend (who was wisely waiting in the car) ran over to help, Webb raised a glass bottle like he was about to deliver the final blow in a WWE match.
The Aftermath
Thankfully, the driver escaped with nothing worse than a bruised ego (and maybe a sore arm), while Webb retreated into his lair like a villain in a low-budget action movie. Deputies showed up, but Webb refused to answer the door—probably because he was busy drafting an angry Yelp review about “terrible customer service.”
Uber’s Response
Uber, being the responsible corporate overlord it is, swiftly banned Webb from the platform and issued a statement that basically said, “Yeah, we don’t condone assault over alcohol deliveries.”
Florida Man Strikes Again
Webb now faces charges including aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (because apparently, alcohol bottles count when wielded by an angry Floridian) and simple battery. His first court appearance is set for Monday, where he’ll hopefully explain why he thought “I really needed that vodka” was a valid legal defense.
Moral of the story? If you’re ordering alcohol in Florida, maybe just… show your ID. Or, you know, don’t attack the person bringing you booze. Just a thought.