FROSTPROOF, FL – In a move that can only be described as peak Florida Man logic, 54-year-old Everett Brown decided to call the cops after a 14-year-old allegedly kicked in his door and whacked him with a broom handle.
Now, reporting a crime is usually the right move—unless you’ve left your entire cocaine stash in plain sight like a poorly hidden Easter egg.
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, who has seen more Florida Man shenanigans than anyone should in a lifetime, broke it down:
“Everett forgot to hide his cocaine before he had us investigate the crime, so he went to jail for possession of cocaine and paraphernalia. I told you—you can’t make this up.”
The Breakdown:
1. Florida Man gets into a broomstick battle with a teenager. (Because why not?)
2. Florida Man calls the cops—a bold strategy when your house doubles as a crime scene and a drug den.
3. Cops show up, immediately spot the cocaine. (It was right there, like a participation trophy for bad decisions.)
4. Florida Man goes to jail, while the 14-year-old gets charged with burglary and battery.
Moral of the Story: If you’re going to report a crime, maybe do a quick “hide the illegal stuff” sweep first. Or, you know, just accept that Florida is going to Florida.
Sheriff Grady Judd remains undefeated in the “Florida Man Chronicles.”
(Originally reported by FOX 13 News)