Because nothing says “I fear surveillance” like unloading a 9mm into the sky over a suburban neighborhood.
The Incident:
Dennis Winn, a 72-year-old Florida Man™, was just minding his own business, fixing his pool pump like a responsible adult, when he heard the ominous buzz of a drone overhead. Now, most people would shrug it off—maybe wave at it like it’s a friendly neighborhood bird. But not Dennis. Nope. Dennis had past experiences (read: probably saw a YouTube conspiracy video once) and was convinced this drone was spying on him.
So what does any self-respecting Florida Man do in this situation? He grabs his trusty 9mm from the gun safe and opens fire—because nothing says “privacy advocate” like turning your backyard into a Wild West shootout.
The Aftermath:
Turns out, the drone wasn’t some shadowy government spybot—it was a Walmart delivery drone doing a mock delivery (because apparently, Walmart is now Skynet Lite). When cops showed up to ask why he turned his neighborhood into a firing range, Dennis reportedly looked “in disbelief.”
Cop: “Sir, that was a Walmart drone.”
Dennis: “Really?”
Cop: “Yeah. Also, it probably cost more than your car.”
Dennis had to cough up $5,000 in damages (which he has since paid, because Florida Man may be reckless but he does honor his debts). He also dodged jail time—on the condition he doesn’t commit any crimes in the next six months.
The Real Question:
How is Dennis supposed to defend himself now if the real surveillance drones come for him? Walmart was just the first wave.
(This article originally appeared on TalesFromFlorida.com. Because only in Florida does a Walmart drone become an international incident.)