Because nothing says “I need space” like trespassing, gourmet meals, and a bubble bath in a stranger’s home.
DAVENPORT, FL— Move over, Airbnb. There’s a new way to enjoy a luxury getaway, and it involves zero permission from the actual homeowner. Meet Joe, a 44-year-old Florida man who took “avoiding confrontation” to a whole new level by breaking into a random house and living his best life—complete with home-cooked meals and a relaxing bath—just to dodge his furious wife.
The Great Escape (Into Someone Else’s House)
After a heated argument with his spouse, Joe decided he’d rather risk felony charges than face her wrath. So, like any reasonable person, he broke into a vacant home in Davenport and set up shop. For days, he enjoyed the comforts of a stranger’s abode—cooking up a storm and even drawing himself a luxurious bath. Because if you’re going to commit a crime, you might as well do it in style.
Neighbor: “Uh… That’s Not the Homeowner”
The jig was up when a vigilant neighbor (who was actually supposed to be watching the house) noticed lights flickering on and off. Suspicious, they called the cops, who arrived to find Joe mid-culinary masterpiece, tub freshly filled, living his best Squatter Chic fantasy.
The Excuse? “My Wife Was Mad.”
When confronted, Joe’s defense was simple: “I didn’t want to go home.” Understandable. But unfortunately for him, “domestic avoidance” isn’t a legal defense for burglary. He was promptly arrested and charged with breaking and entering, theft (because apparently, he helped himself to minor items), and domestic violence.
Florida: Where the Real Estate Market Is So Bad, People Just Move In Uninvited
This isn’t just a crime—it’s a lifestyle choice. Why pay rent when you can just occupy? Why face your problems when you can soak in a stranger’s tub? Joe may have lost his freedom, but he won our hearts with his commitment to self-care… and felonies.
Moral of the Story: If you’re going to hide from your spouse, maybe try a hotel next time. Or, you know, therapy.
(Disclaimer: TalesFromFlorida.com does not endorse illegal squatting, unauthorized bubble baths, or avoiding marital disputes via B&E. But we do endorse laughing at the absurdity of it all.)