Homestead, FL – What started as a casual day of drinking at Chili’s ended in a scene straight out of a Lifetime movie when a Florida grandma allegedly decided to turn her daughter-in-law into a human pincushion.
According to police, Celestine Ward, 57, went from sipping margaritas to wielding a knife after a heated argument with her daughter-in-law. Witnesses (aka the grandkids) reportedly told cops, “Grandma started to kill mami with the knife,” which is probably not the kind of family bonding anyone had in mind.
The victim, currently in critical condition, claims the fight escalated after a day of drinking—because nothing says “family time” like alcohol-fueled knife fights. Meanwhile, Ward insists it was self-defense, despite officers noting she had zero visible injuries. (Pro tip: If you’re gonna claim you got jumped, maybe throw in a fake bruise or two.)
The kids were handed over to DCF, because nothing says “trauma” like watching Grandma turn into Rambo over an argument no one can even remember.
Ward is now enjoying the luxurious accommodations of Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center, where the only thing sharper than the knives is the side-eye from fellow inmates.
Moral of the story? Maybe skip the post-Chili’s family debates. Or at least hide the knives.