Because nothing says “Oops, my bad!” like a drug confession via text message.
The Scene: Holmes County, Florida—where the air is fresh, the beaches are beautiful, and the criminals are really bad at crime.
Deputies were called to a home to remove one Christopher Newton, who was being politely trespassed (read: kicked out). While the officers were still on the scene, Newton—apparently missing a crucial self-preservation gene—decided to send the homeowner a text.
And not just any text.
The Text: “Hey, uh… I left a baggie on the nightstand.”
The Reaction: The homeowner, probably blinking in disbelief, showed the message to the deputies. Because if you’re going to narc on yourself, you might as well do it in writing while the cops are literally standing in your former crash pad.
Deputies, being the thorough professionals they are, searched the room and—shocker—found a baggie of cocaine.
Newton was promptly arrested for possession, proving once again that Florida Man’s greatest enemy is Florida Man’s own lack of impulse control.
The Lesson: If you’re going to leave illegal substances behind, maybe don’t text about it? Especially not while law enforcement is actively removing you from the premises.
The Holmes County Sheriff’s Office summed it up perfectly: “If you’re going to leave something behind, maybe don’t text about it!”
Newton is now enjoying the luxury of county accommodations, where the Wi-Fi is terrible, but at least no one is texting him about forgotten contraband.
Stay classy, Florida.