Because nothing says “economic solution” like turning high schoolers into overnight shift warriors.
Florida’s latest legislative brainchild? A bold new strategy to solve the state’s labor shortage—by putting teenagers to work like it’s 1906. Thanks to Governor Ron DeSantis and his crackdown on undocumented workers, the Sunshine State is now facing a critical shortage of cheap labor. But fear not! The solution is simple: just draft the kids.
The Proposal: Unlimited Child Labor, Because Why Not?
A new bill speeding through Florida’s Republican-controlled legislature would let 14- and 15-year-olds work overnight shifts—even on school nights—with no breaks. Sixteen- and 17-year-olds? They can work six days in a row without a day off. Because who needs sleep, education, or basic human rights when there’s money to be made?
DeSantis, ever the champion of totally normal policy ideas, defended the move at a recent immigration forum: “Why do we need foreigners when teenagers used to work at these resorts? College students should be doing all this stuff!” Ah yes, the good ol’ days—back when child labor laws were just a twinkle in Upton Sinclair’s eye.
Critics: “Uh, This Is Literally Insane”
Not everyone is thrilled about Florida’s plan to turn high schoolers into the state’s new underpaid workforce.
- Alexis Tsoukalas (Florida Policy Institute): “It’s essentially treating teens who have developing bodies and minds like adults.”
- Thomas Kennedy (Florida Immigrant Coalition): “They made the state hostile to immigrants, scared people into leaving, and now they’re gutting child labor protections. It’s insane, right?”
Even some Republicans are side-eyeing the bill. State Senator Joe Gruters voted against it, saying, “We need to let kids be kids.” But hey, what’s more kid-like than working overnight shifts at a resort instead of, you know, sleeping?
Bonus Insanity: Paying Teens Less Than Minimum Wage
As if the child labor expansion wasn’t enough, Florida Republicans are also pushing a bill that would let employers pay interns and apprentices less than minimum wage. So not only will teens be working overnight shifts, but they’ll be doing it for pennies. Truly, the American Dream.
The Big Question: Is This Actually Happening?
Sadly, yes. The bill has already cleared a key committee vote, and with DeSantis’s backing, it could soon become law. So if you’re a Florida teen, get ready—your new part-time job might just be replacing deported workers in the middle of the night.
Welcome to Florida, where the laws are made up and the child labor protections don’t matter.