Because nothing says “innocent” like aggressively consuming your own stash mid-chase.
HOLIDAY, Fla. – In a move that can only be described as peak Florida Man logic, 40-year-old Joel Craig Wallace decided the best way to avoid a drug charge was to… well, do the drugs faster than the cops could catch him.
According to the Florida Highway Patrol, Wallace was speeding down US-19 when troopers tried to pull him over. Instead of gracefully accepting his fate (or, you know, just slowing down), Wallace led them on a brief chase straight to his house—because clearly, home is where the heart (and the rest of his questionable decisions) is.
But here’s where things get extra Florida. Before surrendering, Wallace allegedly did the one thing that would definitely make this situation better: He snorted his own cocaine to “hide the evidence.”
That’s right. In a desperate attempt to outsmart law enforcement, this man looked at his bag of illegal substances and thought, “If I just… absorb this into my body, they’ll never know!”
Spoiler: They knew.
Now, Wallace faces charges for fleeing, possession of cocaine, and tampering with evidence—because apparently, eating the crime doesn’t make it disappear. It just makes you really energetic during your mugshot.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to commit crimes in Florida, maybe don’t commit more crimes to cover them up. Especially if that crime is doing a crime.
Stay classy, Sunshine State.