Because leaving them in a bowl by the door was just too mainstream.
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—In a move that has left podiatrists baffled and denim enthusiasts horrified, 24-year-old Madison Martin accidentally turned her foot into a human keychain. The incident occurred when Madison, in a classic late-night Florida maneuver, stepped on a pair of jeans she had left on the floor—only to discover that her keys had chosen violence.
“I was just walking to the bathroom like a normal person,” Madison explained, “and suddenly, my foot said, ‘Hey, remember that key you lost last week? Surprise! It’s in your flesh now.'”
A friend rushed her to the hospital, where doctors confirmed that yes, the key was, in fact, lodged in her foot. No word yet on whether the jeans were arrested for accessory to assault.
This isn’t the first time Florida has seen bizarre foot-related incidents—just last year, a man in Tampa tried to fight an alligator while wearing Crocs (spoiler: the gator won). But Madison’s story takes the cake for sheer “How did this even happen?” energy.
Lessons learned?
1. Pick up your pants.
2. Florida floors are a war zone.
3. If your keys go missing, check your extremities first.
Madison is expected to make a full recovery, though her dignity may take slightly longer. As for the jeans? They’ve been sentenced to life in the hamper.