By TalesFromFlorida.com
Ah, Florida—the Sunshine State, where the beaches are pristine, the margaritas are strong, and the wildlife occasionally tries to eat you. Just ask Emily Ross, a Las Vegas computer programmer who recently learned the hard way that Florida’s ocean is not a petting zoo.
Emily, visiting the state for the first time to honor her late mother’s memory, was minding her own business, snorkeling in waist-deep water like a responsible tourist. But Florida had other plans. One minute, she’s admiring the coral reefs and fish, and the next—BAM!—shark attack.
“I didn’t feel the bite, I just felt the pressure,” Emily said, which is basically the aquatic version of “It’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop at the end.”
The shark, later suspected to be a blacktip (because of course Florida has sharks with fancy names), decided Emily’s hand looked like a snack. She managed to kick her way to shore like an extra in Jaws: The Revenge, where two Good Samaritans, Ivan and Kim, heroically fashioned a tourniquet out of what we can only assume was a beach towel and sheer willpower.
Emergency responders noted the bite was “the size of a barracuda’s,” which, in Florida terms, is basically saying “Eh, could’ve been worse.”
After emergency surgery, skin grafts, and enough physical therapy to make a Navy SEAL wince, Emily is back in Vegas, probably rethinking her vacation choices. “I wasn’t even doing anything cool,” she lamented. (Note to self: If you’re going to get attacked by a shark, at least make sure you’re doing a backflip when it happens for the story.)
Emily, a former lifeguard, now has some advice for beachgoers: Swim where there are lifeguards. Because in Florida, the ocean is basically a Hunger Games arena, and you don’t want to be the tribute.
Officials echoed her warning, reminding visitors to “be aware of their surroundings,” which, in Florida, includes sharks, alligators, and the occasional meth-gator hybrid.
So next time you hit the beach, remember: The ocean is beautiful, but it’s also nature’s way of saying, “Bet you wish you went to Disney World instead.” 🦈🏖️