FORT MYERS, FL — Move over, Jaws. There’s a new boss in the ocean, and she’s a fourth-grader with a snorkel and zero fear.
Nine-year-old Florida girl [Name Redacted Because Sharks Might Be Reading This] just survived a shark attack off the coast of Fort Myers, and she’s already back to telling the story like it was just another day at recess.
According to eyewitnesses (and her very traumatized parents), the little legend was snorkeling when a shark decided to test its luck. Bad move, fish.
Shark: “Ooooh, tiny human! Easy snack!”
Florida Girl: “LOL. Try me.”
In true Florida fashion, she didn’t panic—she problem-solved. While the shark was probably expecting tears and flailing, it got a pint-sized survivalist who immediately kicked into action.
Her Strategy:
1. Stay Calm – Because screaming underwater just wastes oxygen.
2. Punch Shark in Face – Unofficial Florida survival tip #47.
3. Swim Like You’re Late for Disney World – And we all know nothing stops a Florida kid from getting to Disney.
Now recovering with what we can only assume is an insane amount of ice cream, she’s already planning her next beach trip.
Mom: “Maybe we should stick to the pool for a while?”
Florida Girl: “Nah. Sharks gotta learn their lesson.”
Meanwhile, the shark is reportedly telling its friends, “Yeah, I don’t mess with Floridians anymore. Those things are built different.”
And that, folks, is why you don’t underestimate a kid from the Sunshine State. 🌴🦈💪