Move over, Guinness World Records—Florida Man is back with a new feat of sheer absurdity. Meet Samuel Lee Thomas, a 72-year-old St. Petersburg resident who has officially dialed 911 16,000 times over the past five years. That’s right, folks. While most people use 911 for, you know, actual emergencies, Samuel decided it was his personal hotline for neighborhood drama.
The Call That Broke the Dispatcher’s Spirit
Samuel’s latest masterpiece? A frantic report of an AR-15 being fired in the street. Police rushed to the scene, sirens blaring, only to find… a family barbecue. Kids playing, burgers sizzling, zero firearms in sight. The only thing being shot that day was Samuel’s credibility.
Neighbor Anqunette Peterson, the unfortunate target of Samuel’s obsession, told officers her family has endured hundreds of police visits thanks to his wild accusations—from imaginary drug deals to phantom gunfights. At this point, the local cops probably have her address memorized.
“Just Reporting Neighborhood Nuisances”
Samuel, ever the concerned citizen, insists he did nothing wrong. “I’m ex-military,” he declared, as if that explains why he turned 911 into his personal Yelp for neighbor complaints. Authorities, however, were not impressed. They slapped him with stalking charges and a bonus resisting arrest citation because, of course, he couldn’t go quietly.
Prior Offenses: Because One Crime Spree Wasn’t Enough
Turns out, Samuel’s rap sheet reads like a Florida Man greatest hits album:
– Battery (classic)
– DUI (predictable)
– Marijuana possession (hey, it’s Florida)
– Disorderly intoxication (obviously)
– Passing bad checks (because why not?)
Yet somehow, 16,000 nuisance calls was the final straw.
The Aftermath: A Family Exhausted, a Man Unbothered
Anqunette Peterson, now a reluctant star of this bizarre saga, says her family is “emotionally drained” from the harassment. Meanwhile, Samuel posted $1,500 bond and is presumably back at home, staring out his window, waiting for the next “crime” to report.
And thus, another Florida Man legend is born. If you need him, he’ll be on hold with 911—probably complaining about someone’s lawn being too green. 🌴🚔