Florida is no stranger to bizarre legal battles, but this one takes the (devil’s food) cake. Meet Timothy “Chaz” Stevens, a self-proclaimed minister of the Church of Satanology and Perpetual Soiree (because why not?). This guy isn’t just fighting for his right to party—he’s suing Broward County schools for refusing to display his “Satan Loves the First Amendment” banner.
The Backstory: Because Florida
Stevens noticed that some public schools were happily hanging banners from Christian churches. So, like any reasonable person with a flair for the dramatic, he thought: “Hey, where’s the love for Satan?” (Or at least, where’s the love for religious equality?)
His request? Simple. Let his Satanic banner fly alongside the others. The school board’s response? “Nope.” And then, in a classic “Oh crap, we might lose this lawsuit” move, they took down all the religious banners.
But Stevens wasn’t satisfied. Because, as he put it, this isn’t about the banners—it’s about “fighting the good fight” for the First Amendment. (And possibly about trolling public institutions, but who’s keeping score?)
This Guy’s Resume is Peak Florida Man
If you think this is Stevens’ first rodeo, think again. This is the same man who:
– Built a Festivus pole out of beer cans and got it displayed in the Florida Capitol (because “Airing of Grievances” is basically Florida’s state motto).
– Filed objections to the Bible being in schools (while schools were busy banning other books).
So yeah, he’s kind of a professional agitator—but in the name of “religious plurality and secularism,” or so he claims.
The School Board’s Defense: “Satanology Isn’t a Real Religion”
The Broward County School Board isn’t backing down. Their argument?
1. “We don’t allow any religious or political signs now, so case closed.”
2. “Also, Satanology isn’t a real religion, and Stevens isn’t sincerely religious.” (Ouch.)
But Judge Robert Scola (an Obama appointee, for those keeping track) wasn’t having it. He ruled that Stevens’ claims—that the school board violated his First Amendment rights and the Florida Religious Freedom Restoration Act—deserve their day in court.
March 10: The Trial of the (Under)Century
Mark your calendars, because this bench trial (meaning no jury, just the judge) is set for March 10. Will Satan get his banner? Will the school board have to explain why some religions get a pass and others don’t? Will Stevens show up in a devil costume?
Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure—this is peak Florida, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.