TalesFromFlorida.com Exclusive
Coral Springs, FL—In a story that proves Florida Man isn’t the only one making questionable life choices, a local wife took “til death do us part” way too literally after her husband announced he was ditching their Labor Day BBQ for a totally innocent trip with “friends.” Spoiler: She didn’t buy it.
Denise Malcolm, 46, had apparently spent two years side-eyeing her husband Rohan’s allegedly shady behavior. (Spoiler #2: He was definitely cheating.) But when he casually mentioned he was heading to Port Saint Lucie with his totally real, definitely not a mistress friends, Denise decided to skip the passive-aggressive Facebook posts and go straight to the aggressive-aggressive option.
What followed was a heated argument—because nothing says “happy marriage” like sleeping in separate rooms and screaming matches about infidelity—before Denise upgraded the conversation to gunfire. Their 14-year-old son, who was just trying to enjoy his music in peace, heard the shots and ran in to find Dad bleeding and Mom holding the smoking gun like a very determined Lifetime movie villain.
Cops arrived, but Denise wasn’t done. After a dramatic pause (and allegedly considering turning the gun on herself), she fired one last shot—because if you’re gonna commit a crime in Florida, you might as well commit. She then calmly placed the gun on the dresser and walked out like she’d just finished a shift at Walmart.
Rohan, sadly, did not survive this extreme marriage counseling session. Denise later copped a plea deal and will now spend the next 21 years reflecting on whether maybe divorce would’ve been the better option.
The moral of the story? If you’re gonna cheat in Florida, at least have the decency to lie better. Or, you know, move to a state where your spouse doesn’t have easy access to firearms.
(TalesFromFlorida.com—Because Only Here Does “Happily Ever After” End With a Mugshot.)