Because nothing says “Happy New Year” like committing a felony before breakfast.
HERNANDO, FL—In what can only be described as the most Florida way to start 2025, a Citrus County man decided his New Year’s resolution would be aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer—and he wasted no time getting to work.
Ramses Jimenez, 20, was arrested on January 1st after allegedly tossing lit fireworks at a Florida Highway Patrol trooper’s car like it was a Fourth of July block party gone horribly wrong. According to reports, the trooper was just minding his business, parked peacefully, when Jimenez’s SUV rolled by with the rear window down.
POP POP POP.
Suddenly, the patrol car was under siege by Black Cat fireworks (because of course they were named after something chaotic). Smoke, grass, and probably a few startled squirrels erupted around the trooper’s vehicle.
When pulled over, Jimenez admitted to the crime—because subtlety is not a Florida Man trait—and even apologized, which is basically the equivalent of saying, “My bad, bro,” after launching explosives at law enforcement.
Troopers found a bag of fireworks in the SUV, including one unopened pack and five missing clusters. The best part? The fireworks were clearly labeled “WARNING – EXPLOSIVE.” But Jimenez, in true Florida Man fashion, ignored that like it was a “Wet Paint” sign.
His excuse? He had already been lighting fireworks safely in a neighborhood (because nothing says “responsible adult” like pre-dawn pyrotechnics) and didn’t know what to do when he saw the cop car—despite his friends literally telling him not to throw them at the trooper.
Jimenez now faces charges of aggravated assault on an officer and throwing a destructive device, which is just a fancy way of saying he turned a traffic stop into a Michael Bay movie.
Meanwhile, the other passengers in the SUV walked free, likely shaking their heads and muttering, “We tried to stop him.”
And thus, Florida’s 2025 crime bingo card gets its first mark before most people even finished their New Year’s Day brunch.
(No officers, squirrels, or patrol cars were harmed in the making of this Florida Man story.)