Because nothing says “Florida Man” like a parking garage stabbing and a suspect who just casually drops the confession of the century.
In the latest installment of Florida Man Does Florida Things, 21-year-old Jackson Sagesse decided to take “knife crime” to a whole new level—literally. According to police, Sagesse allegedly stabbed two people in a Sunrise parking garage, killing popular stylist Hailey Hosford, before dropping the most casual murder confession since The First 48 became a thing.
Here’s how it went down:
Parking Garage Shenanigans – Hosford and a friend were just chilling in a car when Sagesse rolled up like a discount horror movie villain, wielding a “metallic object” (spoiler: it was a knife).
Hide-and-Seek Gone Wrong – Hosford tried the classic “if I hide in the car, maybe he won’t see me” move. Spoiler: He saw her.
Knife to Meet You – Sagesse allegedly forced the car door open and went full Halloween on her. Meanwhile, her friend came back, got stabbed in the neck, and somehow still managed to run for help like a true action hero.
The Worst Getaway Driver Ever – Sagesse then hopped in the car, started it… and failed to drive away. Because Florida Man can’t even crime properly.
The Confession Heard ‘Round Florida – When cops found him, he allegedly dropped the mic with: “I just killed someone and walked away.” Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see how it works out for him in prison.
Bonus points: The knife in his pocket matched the set at his mom’s house, where two steak knives were missing. Guess who’s never getting invited to family BBQ night again?
Hosford’s family is, understandably, devastated. Meanwhile, Sagesse is sitting in Broward County Jail with no bond, probably wondering why his “self-defense” excuse didn’t work when he couldn’t even explain what he was defending himself from.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to commit a crime in Florida, maybe don’t narrate your own arrest like a true-crime podcast host. Just a thought.
Sagesse faces charges of first-degree murder and attempted murder. No word yet on whether he’ll try to blame Florida’s humidity for his actions.