Because nothing says “Good morning, Sunshine State!” like a loaded 9mm and a side of road rage.
CLERMONT, FL — In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (cough), a Florida man turned a leisurely Sunday drive into a real-life game of Grand Theft Auto. Meet Robert Bloebaum, 47, who decided that the best way to handle a minor traffic inconvenience was to whip out his gun and remind everyone that Florida never disappoints.
The Incident: When Slow and Steady Doesn’t Win the Race
According to police, the victim was just trying to live his best life—heading to the auto parts store like a responsible adult—when Bloebaum’s Toyota 4Runner decided to play “Who Can Drive the Slowest?” on North Ridge Boulevard.
Frustrated, the victim did what any of us would do: he passed Bloebaum. Big mistake.
Suddenly, Bloebaum transformed into a Fast & Furious extra, tailgating the victim like he was auditioning for Dukes of Hazzard 2: Florida Edition. The victim sped up, Bloebaum sped up. The victim turned, Bloebaum turned. At this point, the victim probably thought, “Is this guy my Uber driver? Because he’s following me WAY too closely.”
The Showdown: Guns, Drama, and AutoZone
Things escalated faster than a Florida summer storm when both men pulled over at an intersection. The victim, presumably ready to ask, “Dude, what’s your problem?” was instead greeted by Bloebaum’s 9mm handgun and a firm “Leave.”
Spoiler: The victim left.
But wait—there’s more! After the victim finished his errand at the auto parts store (priorities), guess who was waiting in the parking lot like a bad sequel? That’s right—Bloebaum, casually chilling in his Toyota like, “Oh hey, fancy seeing you here… again.”
Bloebaum’s Defense: “It Was Just a Coincidence, Officer!”
When questioned, Bloebaum claimed he was just slowing down for some Sandhill cranes (Florida’s unofficial traffic cones) and that the victim was the real aggressor in this “game of chicken.”
As for why he was parked outside the same auto parts store? Pure coincidence. He’s just a “frequent customer.” Sure, Jan.
The Aftermath: Bail, Guns, and Florida Man Logic
Bloebaum was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (shocking) but posted bail faster than you can say “Only in Florida.”
Moral of the story? Next time you’re cut off in traffic, maybe just honk like a normal person. Or, you know, don’t pull a gun on someone because they passed you. Just a thought.
Stay tuned for the next episode of “Florida Man: The Road Rage Chronicles.”