By TalesFromFlorida.com
Florida’s new Attorney General, James Uthmeier, has officially declared war… on Target’s Pride section. That’s right, folks—while other states are dealing with housing crises and hurricanes, Florida’s legal team is out here fighting the real menace: rainbow T-shirts and diversity training.
In a lawsuit that reads like a rejected Saturday Night Live sketch, Uthmeier claims Target “misled investors” by checks notes selling Pride merch and trying to be inclusive. Because nothing screams “corporate fraud” like a display of rainbow socks next to the dollar bins.
The lawsuit argues that Target failed to warn shareholders about the grave financial risks of… offending people who think a T-shirt with a unicorn and a rainbow is “radical leftist ideology.” Apparently, Florida’s first responders and teachers are now at risk of losing their retirement funds because some guy in Orlando got mad about a “Love Is Love” tote bag.
Target, ever the drama-free Minnesotan, just shrugged and said, “We have no comment,” which is corporate speak for “We are too busy restocking the snack aisle to deal with this nonsense.”
But Florida isn’t stopping there. This is the same state that sued Disney over woke fireworks and now has its sights set on Starbucks for daring to hire diverse employees. At this rate, Florida’s legal team will soon be suing Skittles for their “taste the rainbow” slogan.
Meanwhile, actual Floridians are just trying to figure out why their homeowners’ insurance costs more than a private jet. But hey, at least we know our attorney general is out there protecting us from the real threats—like a $5 Pride flag in Aisle 7.
Stay tuned for the next episode of Florida vs. Common Sense, coming soon to a courtroom near you.