Because nothing says “good morning” like arson before breakfast.
Winter Haven, FL—Move over, Florida Man who wrestled an alligator for a six-pack. There’s a new legend in town, and his name is Eddie Thomas, a 69-year-old convicted murderer, registered sex offender, and now—allegedly—an aspiring firestarter.
According to Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd (who, let’s be real, has seen some things), Thomas decided to spice up his group home living situation by asking a roommate for jumper cables at 3:15 a.m. Not for his car, mind you—but to “give him a jump.” Suspicious? Just a tad.
When the roommate wisely said, “Hard pass, dude,” Thomas allegedly took matters into his own hands—and by “matters,” we mean a plastic milk jug full of accelerant. Because nothing solves roommate disputes like turning the hallway into a DIY bonfire.
The Great Escape (Or Lack Thereof)
The victims—five unfortunate souls just trying to sleep—woke up to the smell of gasoline and the sound of a BOOM. One poor guy, who already had mobility issues, had to crawl out like a budget action hero, suffering burns in the process. Another had to yeet himself out a window like a sitcom character fleeing an awkward situation.
Sheriff Judd, never one to mince words, called Thomas “pure evil in the flesh” and “mean as a snake.” (Side note: Snakes are probably offended by the comparison.)
The Plot Thickens (Like the Smoke in That House)
After allegedly torching the place, Thomas—ever the drama king—checked himself into a hospital complaining of chest pains. Then, in a plot twist nobody saw coming, he voluntarily checked into the mental health ward, claiming he “wasn’t right mentally.”
Gee, ya think?
Eddie Thomas: Florida’s Worst Roommate Ever
This guy’s resume reads like a “How Not to Adult” manual:
- 1975: Burglary, grand theft.
- 1986: Murdered his wife in front of their kids, then tried to off himself by setting his car on fire. (Spoiler: It didn’t work.)
- 2008: Registered as a sex offender.
- 2025: Allegedly tried to turn his group home into a BBQ pit.
Sheriff Judd summed it up best: “Our goal is that he never takes a breath of air outside of a prison.”
So, if you were having a bad day, just remember: At least you’re not Eddie Thomas’ roommate. Or his ex-wife. Or, honestly, anyone within a 10-mile radius of this guy.
Stay classy, Florida.