PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL—Move over, Tiger King, because Florida’s latest animal-related crime is giving us Horse Horror Story. Meet Pamela Beres, a 73-year-old woman who apparently thought horses could survive on love, air, and… checks notes… her licking their eyeballs?
That’s right. When authorities arrived at Beres’ property, they found seven horses in conditions so bad they looked like they’d been on a crash diet sponsored by The Walking Dead. One poor horse was so emaciated its ribs were basically auditioning for a xylophone solo.
But the real kicker? When a vet recommended euthanasia for one suffering horse, Beres reportedly refused—because, in her mind, the horse was “living” as long as she said it was. She then allegedly tried to comfort the horse by licking its eyeballs, which is not a real veterinary technique, unless you’re a cat.
Investigators found food in the barn—just not, you know, in the horses. It’s like leaving a pizza on the counter while your kids starve and saying, “Well, the option was there!”
Thankfully, six horses and a pony were rescued and nursed back to health. The pony, Freya, even became a therapy animal for foster kids, proving that redemption arcs happen—just not for Beres, who now faces 14 charges and a one-way ticket to Florida’s “How Did You Mess Up This Bad?” Hall of Fame.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to own horses, maybe feed them. And maybe don’t lick their eyeballs. Just a thought.
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