Only in Florida does a guy with 33 prior felonies think, “Yeah, I can totally pull off kidnapping, assault, and hiding in a mud puddle like a swamp creature.” Spoiler: He could not.
Meet David Earl Gipson, the latest Florida Man contestant in “How Not to Evade Capture.” This guy was fresh out of jail (because of course he was) when he allegedly decided to kidnap a woman, beat her, stuff her in an oversized toolbox, and then murder her mother-in-law.
But here’s where it gets peak Florida Man:
- Step 1: Beat and assault victims.
- Step 2: Duct tape one victim’s mouth shut (classy).
- Step 3: When the cops come sniffing, dive into a mud hole like a feral hog trying to avoid a BBQ pit.
Sheriff Kevin Crews summed it up perfectly: “He got down in a mud hole and tried to cover himself in mud… all he’s doing is trying to throw the scent of the dog off.”*
Newsflash, Dave: K-9 units don’t care if you smell like a swamp monster. They’re professionals.
Now, Gipson faces charges including aggravated battery, sexual assault, and kidnapping, with murder likely on the way. Because if you’re going to fail at being a criminal, might as well go big.
Moral of the story? If you’re a Florida Man with 33 priors, maybe don’t test your luck with a K-9 unit. Just a thought.