Move over, Ocean’s Eleven—Florida has a new heist mastermind, and his weapon of choice is… a shopping basket?
In what can only be described as the most Florida Valentine’s Day crime ever, a man waltzed into an Ormond Beach liquor store, loaded up a basket with 23 bottles of tequila, and casually strolled out like he was picking up milk. Deputies say the total haul was worth $814.04, which, let’s be honest, is either the saddest or the baller-est Valentine’s Day ever.
The Suspect: A Seminole with a Thirst for Trouble
The alleged tequila thief was caught on surveillance wearing Florida State University pants—because nothing says “I respect the law” like committing grand theft while repping your alma mater. His outfit also included a black hoodie, which, in the world of crime fashion, is basically the equivalent of wearing a neon “I’m Up to No Good” sign.
The Loot: A Tequila Connoisseur’s Dream (or Nightmare)
This wasn’t just a random grab-and-dash—oh no. This guy had taste. His haul included:
– 1 bottle of Reposado Tequila (classy)
– 2 bottles of Milagro Silver Tequila (smooth)
– 3 bottles of 1800 Reposado Tequila (bold)
– 1 bottle of 1800 Silver Tequila (okay, now we’re just showing off)
– 16 bottles of Espolon Blanco Tequila (SIXTEEN?! Sir, are you opening a bar or drowning your sorrows?)
– A $100 red shopping basket (because why not?)
At this point, we have to ask: Was this a heist… or a very aggressive meal prep?
The Charges: Grand Theft… and Probably a Killer Hangover
Authorities are still searching for the suspect, who now faces charges of grand theft and resisting or obstructing an officer. But let’s be real—if he actually drinks all that tequila, the real punishment will be the next morning.
Stay tuned, Florida. This story is still developing… much like the headache this guy’s going to have. 🥴
(TalesFromFlorida.com – Because only here does a liquor run turn into a crime spree.)