PALM BEACH, FL—In a shocking turn of events that surprises absolutely no one, Palm Beach County just dropped a cool $20 million to keep former President Trump safe, completely draining their “Oops, We Forgot About This” emergency fund. And guess what? They’re not done yet—another $25 million is coming down the pipeline because, apparently, protecting Florida Man (VIP Edition) isn’t cheap.
Helicopters: The New Neighborhood Menace
Residents near Trump’s golf course are losing their minds—not over politics, but over the constant whirring of police choppers circling like vultures waiting for a golf ball to drop. One West Palm Beach local, Andrew Brosseit, counted 37 flyovers in 41 minutes on a single Friday night. That’s more air traffic than some regional airports.
“They meet over my house like it’s a helicopter convention,” Brosseit complained. “At this point, I don’t know if they’re protecting Trump or just really bad at hide-and-seek.”
The Price of VIP Florida Man Security
Here’s the breakdown of how much it costs to keep Trump safe in Florida:
- $13 million in four months after the second assassination attempt (because one wasn’t enough?).
- $32 million more expected by September—enough to buy every Floridian a lifetime supply of sunscreen.
- $100 per hour in helicopter fuel—which is still cheaper than DoorDash fees during a hurricane.
County officials are crossing their fingers, hoping the feds will reimburse them, but let’s be real—this is the government we’re talking about. They still haven’t fixed I-95.
Meanwhile, in Other Florida Man News…
- A bill has been proposed to rename part of Southern Boulevard to “President Donald Trump Boulevard” because nothing says “Florida” like naming a road after a guy who may or may not be golfing on it.
- NORAD reports three more airspace violations near Mar-a-Lago, because apparently, some pilots still don’t understand that “Restricted” means “No, Seriously, Don’t Fly Here.”
- PBSO’s budget is growing faster than a gator in a retention pond, leaving taxpayers wondering if they’ll ever afford anything nice again—like roads without potholes.
The Takeaway
At this rate, Palm Beach County might as well just hand Trump the keys to the treasury and call it a day. Between the helicopters, the overtime, and the sheer chaos of it all, one thing’s for sure: Florida stays winning at being the most expensive circus in America.
—TalesFromFlorida.com, where the news is always wild, but the security bills are wilder.