Posted on TalesFromFlorida.com
TAMPA, FL – When life closes a door, Florida Man opens it—with his car.
Meet Robert Beaty, the 70-year-old Floridian who took “hold my beer” energy to a whole new level when he was denied entry to a USAA building. According to Tampa police, Beaty rolled up to the guard gate like a man on a mission—which, spoiler alert, he absolutely was.
When security told him, “Sorry, sir, you can’t come in,” Beaty apparently heard, “Challenge accepted.”
Step 1: Suit Up
First, he put on a helmet—because safety first, even when committing felonies.
Step 2: Become One With the Vehicle
Next, he transformed into a real-life GTA NPC, recklessly plowing through the parking garage, taking out fences like they were bowling pins.
Step 3: Play Bumper Cars With Security
When a security SUV tried to block him in, Beaty said, “Not today, rookies,” reversed, and rammed them out of the way like a man who clearly missed his calling as a stunt driver.
Step 4: Mission Accomplished (Sort Of)
Finally, he achieved his goal—crashing into the actual building—because if you can’t walk in, might as well drive in.
Police found him chilling on the third floor of the parking garage, probably wondering if USAA’s collision coverage would apply to this particular incident. (Spoiler: It won’t.)
The Aftermath
- Charges: Aggravated battery (x2), burglary, criminal mischief (because $1,000 in damage is just the Florida Man starter pack).
- Bond: Set at $15,000, but his defense argued he’s a longtime resident who lives on Social Security. (Translation: “He’s not a flight risk—just a ‘drive into buildings’ risk.”)
- USAA’s Response: “Our building is fine, but our faith in humanity took a hit.”
No injuries were reported, but Tampa’s collective facepalm could be heard statewide.
Moral of the story? In Florida, if at first you don’t succeed, ram your car through the problem until you do.